Thursday 11 August 2011

The Pink Horror - Fetzer White Zinfandel Rosé

A health warning: I don't know if this is a surprise to anyone but me, but if you drink this ineffable wine, you will find that it tastes of nothing other than bubblegum, sherbert and Strawberry Mivvi; and that it looks like the stuff the dentist used to give you in order to rinse'n'spit.

It's also known as a Zinfandel Blush, and in the States they drink it in plastic cups, like a soft drink. Through a straw.

Am I the last person on the planet to have discovered this? I saw the word Zinfandel, noted the uneasy Versace-pink colouring, but decided that, nonetheless, it had to be on the dry side of the fence, I mean Zinfandel, no? And after that success with the Brightwell Vineyard Oxford Rosé, too. I bought it on special offer (that clincher) and settled down to enjoy it with a nice bit of sea bass and some sautéed potatoes. Of course the combination was entirely revolting, like eating sausage and custard, but I was so convinced in my own mind that it would somehow come right that I pressed on, mixing the two, insanely certain that some kind of alchemy would happen in my mouth and the combination could be made to work.

It was only when I looked at the instructions on the back of the bottle and saw the word sweet that I realised the depth of my own perversity, and gave up. The power of language to convince, where the undependable senses have failed. Listlessly, I paired it a bit later on with some cheesecake, but the damage was done. I couldn't drink it in any context without my teeth squirming.

Why am I writing this? I don't know. Shock, I think. It's the lurch into the unanticipated, the apple that turns out to be rotten, the unwashed shirt, the biscuit tin full of ants, the corpse in the nun's habit, the green sky and the blue grass, the smell of frying in an empty room. That's why. And I still have half a bottle left.



  1. Haha. I'm very sorry to laugh when I ought merely to frown in sad sympathy. But. Haha.

  2. CJ,

    In defense of Americans, I must offer some sort of explanation to the "White Zinfandel" you reference.

    I can't say that I've ever seen this beverage consumed in a plastic cup with a straw, but I'm not surprised — it's that caliber of "wine" (if you could even classify it as wine).

    I'd say most Americans, or at least those who like wine, avoid "blush" at all costs.

    When I think of White Zin, I think of my grandmother — love her dearly, but not her taste in wine.



  3. Brynn's right. Plastic cup consumption of White Zin is a rarity in the U.S. You see it at outdoor festivals where live animals are the feature attraction and in some remote areas of the Ozarks and the Florida panhandle. Most White Zin drinkers use actual wine glasses. That allows them to better simulate the actual drinking of wine.

    As much as I don't care for White Zin, I should mention that I don't mind its existence. If it weren't for the crazy popularity of it, most of California's Zinfandel vines would probably have been yanked in favor of "California Burgundy" back in the '70s.

    Thanks for the grin!


  4. You should also be aware of the equally hideous 'White Grenache'

  5. I have witnessed WZ being consumed, but never in a plastic cup. Where do you get your info?


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