Thursday, 16 May 2019

A Lifetime in Wine

• It’s a fresher’s week staple that tastes just fine in a polystyrene cup. Stonker (Innuendo Wines, £5.99) is an Aussie Shiraz from their More Bosh, Less Dosh range, which can hold its own against Monster Munch. Screwcapped for easy access. You’ll be surprised by its length, especially on carpeting…

• Anyone going backpacking this summer should take the opportunity to try some of the sadly neglected wines of the Far East. It’s only really in their local context that you can appreciate the unique qualities of these distinctive wines, where they can take their place alongside alongside Bali belly and the Rangoon runs. They rarely reach the shelves back home, so  you can enthuse about them later with little fear of contradiction…

• The Dine-in Meal Deal is back! You get a main, side dish and dessert, plus a bottle of wine, all for just £12. That’s right, your choice of a bottle of red or white!* (*Terms and conditions apply. The word ‘choice’ refers to either our Lite Brite White, or our Ruffan Reddie; alternatives not available.) For a romantic evening in, all you need are the candles…

• So my advice, when you’re out for a special meal, is never go for the second cheapest wine; that’s the one they think you’ll pick, and so it’s the one with the mark-up for mugs. (And they don’t know that we’ve seen through the tactic, because they never read articles about wine.) Instead, ask the sommelier for advice. It’s easy to think that wine waiters are just trying to persuade you to spend more, but they’re actually there to help, which surprisingly often does seem to involve persuading you to spend more…

• You can use our handy calculator to work out just how much wine you need for your wedding. Each bottle contains three or four glasses or possibly five at the stretch suggested by her mother, and an average guest will drink possibly half a bottle with the meal if his father is anything to go by. Add a glass of Prosecco per guest upon arrival, possibly three if there’s anywhere guests can hide their empties while the waiters are still circulating. The toasts will require a glass of proper Champagne per guest, even those who by then really shouldn’t have any more. So that’s three or four, or five, plus one, or two, plus another one. Or thereabouts.

• Thanks for signing up to Frogthwarts. We know that as a new home owner, you need to serve your neighbours and friends from something you can call a wine cellar but still fit under the stairs. That’s why our subscription service will deliver you each month a selection of wine that's socially impressive (ie French)…

• When there’s cause for celebration, why not enjoy an English sparkling wine instead of boring old Champagne? If you’re toasting a special occasion, like a new arrival, a new job, or a big birthday, you can now drink a native sparkling wine without anyone thinking you’re tight-fisted, because the price is similar, even if the taste isn’t really…

• As a regular buyer of our fine wines, we wanted to let you know about a small but very special parcel we have obtained. Of course you’ve heard of Chateau Trèscher; but on the other side of the valley and across the river, so really just next door, lies the lesser-known Chateau Inconnu. Their wines cost just a fraction of their neighbour, yet are said to be almost its equal by many in our sales department…

• Don’t miss out on this year’s en primeur. You may have heard stories of a terrible harvest in Bordeaux, but we’ve found some real gems amongst the dross, which we’re convinced will ripen up magnificently. And look at these IB prices! (NB: Our IB prices do not include duty, VAT, storage charges, price of eventual delivery or opportunity cost.) There are some real treats in store for those who can buy now for drinking in maybe fifteen years’ time…

• Fourteen years ago, Dad bought this case of Chateau Ververgood en primeur. I know he would have wanted to serve it to his friends, so I’ve opened up the case, and it’s just a shame he isn’t here to share it with you. And that it hasn’t quite turned out as he might have hoped. But then, the same could be said of his swimming…


PK

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