So
now seems like as good a time as any to contemplate Donald Trump's
impact on the world of wine. And what an impact it's been! As he
himself gets someone else to put it in The
Art Of The Deal, 'I
like thinking big. I always have.' And, 'From the very start, size
was a top priority.' And, 'It's larger than life.' And, 'Listen to
your gut.' If I ever wanted a teetotal megalomaniac casino developer
to blend my grapes, than Donald J. Trump would be the man: it's all
about quantity and bowels.
Yes,
we have a potential situation with Trump's teetotalism (his older
brother, Freddy, died an alcoholic which kind of accounts for
it) but a mere complete lack of familiarity with something is oviously no bar
to success in that chosen sphere. So Trump wines? Or vodka, even? Why
ever not?
Well,
not the vodka, obviously, as that's gone the way of Trump University,
Trump Magazine, Trump Institute, Trump Airlines, Trump Steak, Trump:
The Game, Trump natrual spring water, Tour de Trump, Trump on the
Ocean, and Trump Network. Trump Vodka ('Awful,' according to one
critic) was axed from most markets in 2011, despite being offered in a gold Cubist
bottle with a
vast T on the front. Nevertheless, the wine
persists, with a smart website telling you all about the sprawling
estate in Virginia where they make the Trump range, plus a list of
its numerous awards, plus a calendar of upscale events like the
Mother's
Day Brunch
and the Bastille
Day Vine and Dine.
And
there's an online shop, which sets my heart pounding at the thought
that I might be able to acquire some of this stuff and thereby get
that tiny bit closer to the current leader of the free world. With
tragic inevitability, however, you can only get it shipped within the
States, and not all of them. Why not Kansas, Delaware, West Virginia
or Arizona? What have they done to be deprived of the Trump Winery's
unique Fortified Chardonnay, known as Cru?
Made by 'Blending Chardonnay juice with grape brandy', this
'Fortified wine is then aged for over a year in American bourbon
barrels', but if you're stuck in Wilmington or Bisbee, you have
nothing
to look forward to.
It's even worse here in the UK, where I am reduced to speculating on
whether or not I could persuade my New York friends to blag a couple
of bottles and bring them over the next time they're here. I don't
know: could I be bothered to drag a couple of Nyetimbers over to
them? No, of course not. Which leaves me, for now, supplicating the
internet for other people's reviews of Trump's output and trying to
get a sense of it that way.
Naturally,
one wants these reviews to be as highly-charged and inflammatory as
possible, given the kind of person Trump is. But things are more
nuanced than that. Even critics who have clearly set out to rubbish
Trump Wines sometimes find themselves wrong-footed into grudgingly faint
praise: 'This could actually be much more offensive,' says one, about
Trump's Cabernet Sauvignon/Merlot/Cabernet Franc Meritage 2014;
'Actually...quite subtle', says another reviewer about a white Trump;
'Well-crafted and food-friendly' is a third cautious encomium. The
consensus? Trump Wines are quite often quite okay.
But
then again: what really sticks in the mind is the way that the Trump
Winery website harps on about so much that isn't actually wine. Yes,
lots of wineries try to get you to consume things that are only
incidental to the booze itself - guided tours, online sales,
corporate functions in the fully air-conditioned Sauvignon Suite -
but the Trump Winery not only has tastings, online buying, corporate
events and commemorative meals, it also offers four different kinds
of wedding experience, a wine club, toy dogs, baseball hats,
semi-automated donations to St. Jude's Hospital and a frilly,
conspicuously set-dressed boutique hotel with a swimming pool, 'A
culinary experience unique to Virginia' and rooms at $449 a night. Given that Trump
picked the estate up for not a huge amount before handing it over to his son, Eric, it's hard to
imagine that it has much resonance for him. Could it be that Trump, wine and Trump Junior are only in it for the short term? And that some larger ambition awaits the estate? 'I never get too attached
to one deal or one approach,' the great man has said.
Which I think is something we can all learn from, especially if we've
spent the morning drinking a bottle of fortified Chardonnay while wearing a themed baseball hat.
CJ
"Blending Chardonnay juice with grape brandy"? So like Pineau Des Charentes, then? Except they age it for a lot longer than a year.
ReplyDeletePineau de what?
ReplyDelete